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    November 20

    夜阑风静縠纹平

    这两天莫名的陷入焦虑,晚上没有办法安然入睡。整个人很不安,思想有些OUT OF CONTROL. 想哭,可是眼泪没有办法在很多人的面前流下来。突然意识到,很多年前在佛祖面前许下的诺言,会变成真的。我是一个诚信的人,会践诺的。开始反省,一直以来,我是不是想的太多,想要得到的太多,把自己拘囿在以自己为中心的狭小范围内,从来没有真正的敞开胸怀面对这个世界。
    世界如此之大,而我像尘埃一样渺小,一颗尘埃的幸福对于整个宇宙实在是一件太太微不足道,可有可无的事情。我心心念念的全是“我”,不过是恒河中的一颗沙粒。人,总是这样,太看重自己,才会患得患失。
    I JUST PERSUADE MYSELF TO KEEP MY WORDS AND BE PREPARED FOR ANY FATE, AND THERE IS NO HARM TO BE FEARED.
    我想,我可以安心的睡觉了。我可以很努力,可是我没有办法控制结果。我只要DEATH TO EARTH, 踏踏实实地做我想做的事情,应该做的事情。至于THE END, 就交给所谓的DESTINY吧。在漫长的一生中,人能完全掌控的事情太少了,但至少可以自己掌握自己的心态、思想和行为。
    也许,此刻的平静是我过去二十几年里,从来没有的。而那个一直躲在我心里的小姑娘,也开始慢慢地长大了。
     
    来往烟波,此生自号西湖长。轻风小桨,荡出芦花港。得意高歌,夜静声偏朗。无人赏,自家拍掌,唱彻千山响。

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    回头看自己写的文字,软弱无力。无法震慑麻木的灵魂,也无法安慰受伤的心灵;无刀锋般深刻有力,也无桃李般暖人心扉。粉饰太平。
    Nov. 22

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